As a child I was always acutely aware that I was never alone. I could feel all the supportive beings around me and I could also feel those who chose to live in the darkness. My first memory of receiving guidance consciously was when I was 5 years old. I was standing on my porch with an older friend who was having a hard time; she had just asked me a question that I had no idea how to answer. I moved my attention upward and thought to myself, "I hope it happens again." It did happen and my young friend was comforted and satisfied with my answers. I was first contacted by a disincarnate spirit when I was about 10 years old. A young girl came to me spirit, she was upset and confused; She explained to me that she was looking for her older sister and her mother because they had just been in a car accident together in England! I didn't know if I could do anything but I said a silent prayer asking for help and she just disappeared from my awareness. As I grew, into a teenager, I mostly lost touch with my gifts until I was about eighteen years old.
Graduating from High School prompted that age old question, "What's it all about?" I spent a day sitting on the dock at the edge of my mind, just fishing for an answer. My awareness dove into the all and silently back floated until the answer finally came. Suddenly, I was flooded with the sweetest energy.......... It came into me while also springing up from within me. It was so simple..... To simple..... It was just love. I was overcome with love for myself, the great unknown, my family, the neighbors, strangers on the street and people who had hurt me. I fell in love with the world, the tree's, flowers, bugs, sunsets and everything......... Absolutely everything. It's all about love..... That's it! Trust me....... Even knowing the answer........ Doesn't make it easy. Navigating through the world with love will bring all of your failings to the surface. When you slip into jealousy, anger, or depression (All just more complicated versions of fear) after having been in love with the world...... After knowing what life is all about it can be so disappointing. Even when you feel solid in your knowing, and are truly loving those you interact with, you are vulnerable to their quick judgments, cruel misunderstandings and devastating lack of love. You just have to keep lifting yourself back up, lifting your neighbors back up, and knowing when to ask for the right support. Remember that when people act out in ways that hurt you it is because they are in a fearful place and, honestly, you cannot be hurt by anyone without allowing it.
At nineteen, after a year of daily yoga, partaking in a teetotaling vegetarian diet, countless meditation walks and constant self healing books coupled with deep reflection ... my awareness grew quickly. I sat myself trustingly in the hands of the conscious greater GOoD, in the light/love/source and desperately wanted to know what my personal mission was. Finally, I took one full day away from my few responsibilities to meditate seriously on one question. As I did my yoga, journaled, drank my tea, ate my meals and sat in dreamy reflection I was constantly asking, "What should I do with my life?" I had sat in on some classes at the prestiges Bastyr pondering 7 years of college, in a big city, to become a Naturopath. I’m not a city girl. I was taking photography, humanities and literature courses in college and pondered whether I would be of the most service as a traveling journalist and photojournalist. My path as a spiritual healer was forever tugging at my east Indian wrap around skirt but this was 1991 when finding training in such fields seemed nearly impossible. So on and on went my day ... questioning, opening, praying, listening..... but nothing happened. I went to bed with a knowing, that was more like a hope, that I would have a meaningful dream ... that all would be clear in the morning. I awoke disappointed with no clarity of purpose. Nothing. As I was sitting with my morning tea, leafing casually through a life magazine I was struck by what I can only describe as an ethereal 'lightening'. I was suddenly in a conscious space of nothingness, nothing but the moment I was in existed. I completely lost touch with my awareness as little Angela, the human being fumbling along. Anything I had felt was important just vanished from my sphere of awareness. I was struck with an intense light, tears were streaming down my face like someone had turned a faucet on and I was in the midst of absolute unadulterated bliss. Pure bliss. Bliss. I was shown myself floating in the kitchen surrounded in this light and than........ I kid you not..... A deep booming voice (like a cartoon God) said, "You. Are. To. Help. Bring. The. Light. Here." THAT is my personal mission. I understood. I was in Perfect clarity. No more questions. Then, just as abruptly as it had started, it was over. How do I express the majestic ecstasy of those moments? The living light surrounding me, lifting me and moving through me? Some of it is in my poetry ... a tool to express the inexpressible. But most of it is in your future, waiting for you to experience on your own. It wasn't until that night, or possibly the next day, that I realized I still hadn't had my question answered in a practical way. "Wait a minute!" I spoke aloud to myself and whomever might be listening, "But, how do I bring the light here? Which direction do I go in?" Oh, how I struggled with that! It wasn't until years later that I realized that I hadn't been pointed in a specific direction because it didn't matter. It doesn't mater if we are bringing our gifts to the world as a janitor or a PH.D holding scientist. What matters, is that we are sharing our gifts. What matters, is that we are loving. Loving our partners, loving our politicians, loving ourselves.... loving our light and seeing it in everyone.
Since my first experiences, I have been to heaven and hell within and without. I have gained and lost powerful energy, I have lived abundantly and even been homeless at 7 months pregnant with twins. I have lived many years close to the bliss of that first experience with the light and also journeyed through the dark night of the soul in my thirties. Among to many mystical moments to list I have had a near death experience where I was taught that the light is consciousness.... is alive.... sentient..... And the source of the all. With the assistance of dear friends, I have come to realize myself as a healer, medium, animal communicator and occasional channel. I have been contacted by masters, angels, nature spirits, guides, star beings and disincarnates. This has given me a firm grasp on the inner workings of our great universe as well as a deep understanding that I really don't know anything. "It's the journey, not the destination." My trials with the dark have been the catalyst for me to find my personal power ... to learn how to ground the energy of the light into myself, others and our earth. We can be grateful for everything and when we are ... miracles can happen.
Why me? Only because I made the effort... I asked the questions.
and you can too....
... feel the magic.
